I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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