just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
