Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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