During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize