He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
