I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
