Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's never too late to be topless.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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