I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
