You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
