Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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