tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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