I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
