everyone is single if you try hard enough
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
