Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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