i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
