Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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