Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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