sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
