how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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