he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
