How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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