My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
