Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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