I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
