every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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