I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
