he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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