just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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