Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
