My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
