her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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