Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
