hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im six kinds of drunk right now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
