So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
