then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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