Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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