Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
