We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
