I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
