Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
