smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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