I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
