But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry about my life...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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