Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
