I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
