haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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