Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
