I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
