I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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