I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
