What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
